And I Must Weep Alone

By Clarity Scifiroots

Teen Death

Disclaimers: Um....... plot is basically the only thing mine. The title is from Poe's poem ["Deep In Earth"]

October 16, 2001

Angel’s POV

Take this kiss upon the brow!

And, in parting from you now,

Thus much let me avow -

You are not wrong, who deem

That my days have been a dream;

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less /gone/?

/All/ that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

Of a surf-tormented shore,

And I hold within my hand

Grains of the golden sand -

How few! yet how they creep

Through my fingers to the deep,

While I weep - while I weep!

O God! can I not grasp

Them with a tighter clasp?

O God! can I not save

/One/ from the pitiless wave?

Is /all/ that we see or seem

But a dream within a dream?

~"A Dream Within A Dream" - Edgar Allan Poe~

---

It was so exhausting; somehow after all the decades upon decades of years he had lived, all the exhaustion added up and weighed on his shoulders. There was no rest, really could be no rest; perhaps he didn't really need "rest"... No, likely he didn't, it was more likely that he was just over-exaggerating and putting his pain way too high on the scale. He was strong enough, had always been. He was strong enough now, could take care of all of this now. No help needed... he was fine....

He was //fine//.

That night he avoided the Bronze, he'd been sensing too much activity lately to be hanging out in the dark club. Stepping away from the brick wall he had been leaning on, he headed down the dark alleys and dimly lit streets. The graveyard - always the graveyard - was his destination. With each step he felt a twisting pain in his chest - like a knife stuck in til the hilt and it was being turned... He hadn't felt pain there before, hadn't felt such a "heart-wrenching" pain since the day he was turned.

Something was off about that night, really he should have realized it because of that weird, foreign pain, but he didn't realize it - or refused to acknowledge it. He wouldn't know the type of pain someone else would feel after he entered the graveyard that night. For once he thought only about his own miseary - his own exhausted, pained mind...

Upon passing the iron gates, he could pick up on the sounds of battle. Yes, there was always some sort of action in Sunnydale. His mind suddenly ran through the irony of the name, he'd never thought about it before. 'This isn't the time... or the place,' he reminded himself, and then continued on with long strides carrying him across the long-buried dead.

She was on top of things, of course. Buffy really did make a good Slayer. He waited in the shadow of a small tree amidst a circle of graves, watching carefully as the Slayer staked another vampire. She flipped her head around to search the area, to see if any others were there. She was tense, obviously recognizing that //something// was around.

"I know you're there!" she called; voice ready.

Knowing it must be him that she was sensing, he headed forward. She turned her gaze to him, surprised. "Angel...? But-"

He felt it the same time she did and they both fell into defensive position, facing the new demon that was coming forward. Buffy was on it immediately, blocking its moves and getting in some of her own. Angel watched from the outside, waiting for a clear opening to get in, if the Slayer needed it. The tainted smell of Buffy's human blood and the demon's own was overrunning his senses, clouding some of his mind. Blood lust had gone down over time but he was not completely free of it, and now it was acting up again.

Focused on resisting the taunting scent, Angel took a step back and scanned the area. The moon was currently hiding beneath a layer of clouds and it darkened more of the area. With his extra persceptive night vision he could start to make out a crouching figure, hiding behind a tombstone. His eyes narrowed and a brief escaping moonbeam caught on the movement of a weapon.

"Buffy, watch it!" He yelled, already sprinting in between demon and Slayer, knocking Buffy to the ground. The demon locked onto him from behind as the distinct sound let loose a speeding bit of lead scream over the fifteen or so feet between him and the hunched figure.

He arched over, the sudden pain breaking bone and shattering something even more...

The demon had released him, had been killed, and the hunched form was stuck by an arrow - it had vanished to dust. It was odd, there were second left of a precious little life, but warmth and a brief moment of breathe was bestowed to his body, even as blood crawled up his throat, snaking outside his mouth and dripping from his lips. And in a moment he felt the most beautiful touch - like a butterfly's wing - and he felt whole, and relaxed.

haiboku no hitori no tenshi.

--- The End ---

Author's Notes:

1) translation for "haiboku no hitori no tenshi" = {fall of an angel} Figured something with "angel" in English would sound tacky so I went for Japanese.......